Have you ever felt lost? Not certain of your identity or purpose?

I went through this phase from my teenage years into my mid-twenties. When I was a high schooler — a freshly landed foreigner in the United States — I was an anxious kid with no strong ties to the country I came from or the one I had just started living in. I felt insecure and constantly sought acceptance from others. I wanted to be part of a friend group or an organization so badly. I remember imitating other people, and I always felt sad, because deep down I knew it was not me. As a teenager, my thoughts felt like tangled wires, and I did not know how to express my feelings. I lived with my mom — caring, but also a worrier — so naturally I built an invisible wall to protect my vulnerability, and I learned to manage my own problems as I grew up.

I wonder how my personality would have turned out if I had lived with both of my parents during that time. Looking back, I shut off and stopped communicating at home as a way of self-protection — I did not want to feel vulnerable or make my parents worry. It was a mental struggle, and I carried these emotional burdens well beyond my mid-twenties.

Part of my confusion came from experiencing Western culture while still fully understanding Korean social expectations and behaviors. I had the opportunity to immerse myself in life in the United States, but a nerve-wracking reality always sat at the back of my mind — every time I had to renew my visa, I was reminded that my time here could end. And when I travelled back to South Korea, I was sad to see my hometown completely transformed into a trendy metropolis, with almost no trace of the place I remembered.

As I got older, I started to realize that I am happiest when I am truthful to myself. The insecurity is still there. I still care about what other people think of me. I still seek approval and validation — to feel confident, to reassure myself that I am on the right track. But now I have tools, gathered from reading, watching, and talking to people. Tools that help me get back to being myself. I have grown prouder of my Asian heritage and more appreciative of the culture I was exposed to growing up. South Korea’s standing in the world has risen over the past two decades, thanks to the K-culture wave and the global embrace of Korean cuisine — and that has made it easier for me to embrace my Korean identity and represent where I come from.

Most of all, setting a clear priority on providing for my family has given me the sense of belonging I spent so long searching for. Belonging was never something others could grant me. It was something I had to build.